High Sierra
It’s
hard to put into precise words…my four months…a semester…spent “abroad” at this
place called High Sierra. I had no idea what to expect…just thought I was
keeping the doors opened…never thought I would follow through on actually
going. Even when I was accepted…it felt as if just a throw away plan. Something
to apply to, and not go, no matter if I got in or not. Then I applied for the
leadership team, why not? I was so encouraged to do so…that I jut did. And.
Then…I got the position of community mentor…what.is.happening? I remember
thinking. This position locks me into this semester. After debating over a few
days, weighing the pros and cons, I decided to just do it. Time was running
out…and a semester away would hopefully clear my head…and also escape from the
many decisions I could put off until the fall. This is the first time I think I
have actually took a leap of faith. To put all my trust in the Lord, because I
literally did not know what to expect. Every other pretty major decision in my
life I have played a large role in. Sure I “trusted in” the Lord, but I was
never really required to really step that much out of my comfort zone…most of
my decisions lined up with what I wanted or desired anyway. Not this time. I
felt as if I literally took a step into complete darkness…not knowing what to
expect, what to think, what the heck I was getting myself into. Me and the
wilderness? Now there’s a joke if I had ever heard one. This nineteen year old
girl, this pink loving, Disneyland loving, girly girl headed up into the
mountains? Ha, God…funny one.
Then
the fateful morning came. I flew into Fresno on the tiniest plane imaginable,
drove with my great friend Bianca, and arrived on campus. I do not know how to
explain what came over me the minute I stepped out of the car other than the
peace of God. This surreal peace that just came over me, the kind that can only
come despite stress and chaos, and I knew in that exact moment, that this is
where I was supposed to be. This was now home. It sounds cliché, dumb, weird to
say this is what I immediately felt. But it’s the truth. Every doubt was
literally wiped from my mind and I was ready to immerse myself in this
adventure. I was ready for challenge, I was ready to face fears, I was ready to
make friends that would turn into family that would last a lifetime. This was
huge for me…this peace and realization that this is where I was supposed to be
after doubting for so long…helped me to place all expectations aside, and
simply let the Lord move and work over the next four months.
These
past four months…I have had many firsts: wakeboarding, backpacking, shooting,
seeing Yosemite, seeing a bear, real rock climbing, facing my fear of heights,
leading a hall of girls, swimming in a waterfall and so many more. People ask
me to describe my semester and while it so so so hard I always tell the same
two things that I believe impacted me the most: Self-confidence and learning
what it really means to love.
This
semester taught me a whole new level of self-confidence that I have never felt
before. Ever. I felt free to be myself, no matter how much I was made fun of
(which was A LOT…all out of love of course), I felt free to speak my mind, free
to be my crazy, goofy self, nothing held back. As a hall, our theme was
(re)defined. I led it, but I guess what they say about learning more when
you’re the teacher is spot on…even though I was “teaching” I think I ended up
learning more than I ever expected anyone else to. I learned to be comfortable
in my own skin…so much so…that I stopped wearing makeup. Now, this may seem a
trivial little fact…but for me, it isn’t. Growing up in the dancing world, I
have been taught how to wear make up since I was five years old. I hadn’t gone
consecutive days without wearing at least cover up since seventh grade. Sure,
it started out slow…certain days I would not wear any…and still feel so
ugly…but bear with it through the day. But every week I would try and go longer
and longer without it…until finally…the day where I just quit wearing it all
together, every single day. Not only that, but I felt comfortable not doing so.
High Sierra has taught me how to be real…in every aspect of life…and if I hold
on to not even being real in my appearance…how can I expect to be real anywhere
else? Not that I see makeup now as a Satan-created evil…it can still be fun and
useful for fancy events! But it is no longer my crutch. I do not need it to define me. Although
not using makeup is just one factor in my new found confidence…I believe it is
a good symbol of it. I no longer need things or people of this world to define
who, I, McKenna Lynn Bennett, am. I am a beloved daughter of the most high
King, on this Earth to serve Him by serving and loving others. I have been
bought and paid for the price of my Savior dying, and through Him alone I live
my life as a bondservant. I could go on and on about this confidence and
finally finding my identity…but I think I’ve made it pretty clear. While of
course I will still struggle some days, I know that this finding of myself will
last forever, and will help me to continue to grow in my confidence in who I am
in the Lord.
This
semester I also learned how to love. I have never in my entire life grown so
close to people in such a short amount of time. Somehow forty plus strangers
captured my heart and turned into family within four months. How this happened,
I will never know, but can only attribute it to the Lord. He brought us
together through His love, and as we learned about how He loves us through
classes, chapel, and just experiencing Him in our everyday lives, we were able
to learn that much more about how to love each other.
I
have returned from this “semester of wonder” as it was coined by one of our
professors with new eyes. Eyes for the Lord’s beautiful creation: in nature,
and especially in people. I have returned with a newfound excitement and joy
for life and all the adventures it has waiting to be taken. I feel vibrant,
truly alive, ready to live my life to the fullest in accordance with my
Father’s will. I am ready to seek and find truth; all the while exploring this
world we have been blessed to live on. I want to keep adventuring, keep
exploring, and keep on this quest of learning how to love and to be loved in
return.
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